I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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