i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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