I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
