I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
