the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
