You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
