Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
