There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
nutella sex= disaster
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
