i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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