every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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