In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
someone owes me an orgasm
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
