Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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