I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
