I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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