No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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