Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
