My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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