Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
