The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
