Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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