Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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