We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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