so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
