i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
