Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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