You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
