He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
