chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
