I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
