hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
