I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
