he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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