i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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