he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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