Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
