I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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