Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
50% drunk capacity currently
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
