I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
