Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
