Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
