Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
