I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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