If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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