I cut my penus on the lid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
