im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
