I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
