Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
