im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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