Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
