you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
