Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
