I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
