he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
