The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
