My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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