i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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