Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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