Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
