carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
