I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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