Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
