You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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