Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
