So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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