guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My cat gives me a boner
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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