I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
