Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
