I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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